It was the worst case of dog torture on record.

I'm distracted by whatever other nonsense that a bunch of wooly nihilists can inflict on a cluttered storage area

the neighbor shouldn’t have been chanting, “CHOKE, CHOKE, CHOKE” while I was working, but I still should have been able to do it

OK, let's wrap this up!

"if I keep talking and seeming more and more incompetent (which comes naturally for me) eventually people will feel bad enough and help me"

"the rodeo experience is real"

I can walk both down and up the stairs without even a whimper...

"like a barn in a horror film..."

"My vacation from this particular responsibility is coming to an end."